Shifting Your Day From Arghh to AHHHH
What evoked a recent ARGHH for you?
You know, that physical catching in your throat or stomach
that comes out of your thoughts or your mouth as the
pirate sound….
ARGHHHH.
What setback or frustration?
What annoyance (with yourself or someone else)?
What dismay or disappointment
Arrived in your throat and came out as the sound, “Arghhh?”
I have many examples just since I woke up this morning
and it’s only noon as I write this:
I forgot to check in for my flight tomorrow morning.
I was late for a gathering of writing colleagues and friends.
I missed a class I’d signed up for only a week ago.
At one time (not so very long ago),
I would have fallen into the abyss of Arghhh
and stayed right there
for the rest of the day…
at least.
I would have blamed and shamed myself
for any number of things.
Pick one:
I’m not responsible enough
I’m not smart enough
I’m not worthy of being in this group
I’m not careful enough
I’m not talented enough
I’m not good enough
I’m not enough enough.
I catch myself most of the time now,
(well, more often than before, anyway)
and, as best I can on any given day,
at any given moment,
I shift myself from Arghhh to AHHHH.
How?
Later in this article,
I’m going to share some teeny tiny things I do to shift,
to remind myself,
to hold myself lovingly
so that I MAY shift.
I encourage you to try all of them on for size
to see what fits you today
so that you can shift
and then, over time, use more of them.
Ultimately, you’ll get to feel what the shift feels like in your body
and then create your own teeny tiny ways
to shift from Arghhh to Ahhhhh.
One essential caveat that I have had to learn is this:
Do NOT attempt to bypass the feelings of Arghhh.
We can pretend all we want
but the body takes notes
and holds onto all of it—imagined and real—
and trips us up in amazing and amazingly uncomfortable ways
when we pretend.
And then, what we tried to do,
doesn’t stick,
doesn’t stay,
doesn’t hold for more than a few days or a few weeks..
or even a few breaths.
Our nervous system knows.
And it’s this wonderful system (that keeps us safe
and thriving as a species which is why and how it’s wonderful!)
that we need to work with
in order to experience our day from a different perspective…
in order to shift from arghhh to some form of ahhhh.
The “Arghhhs” of our life tend to come from places in us
where we experience (often from the world around us conditioning us to feel these ways)—
Shame
Belittlement
Judgment
Guilt
Resentment
Criticism
Unworthiness
Disappointment
Anger
And the “Ahhhhs?”
The “ahhhhs” come from anything that brings us ANY degree of —
Relief
Ease
Comfort
Pleasure
Softness
Joy
Serenity
Calm
Safety
Peace
Acceptance
Energy
Feeling worthy
Feeling lovable
Feeling loved
WHEN WE ALLOW IT!
It would be lovely if we could wave a magic wand
and instill joy and serenity and calm into our daily life
so that we could speak and walk and live with ease
and energy;
so that our tones of voice and words
would reflect and communicate to those we love
and care for
the depth of our love and care for them
(instead of the impatience we feel in this moment over the last moment).
Wouldn’t it be great if we could make the sweeping changes
that we desire—
Never getting bogged down by someone else’s negativity,
Always remembering to read something inspirational,
Never letting sadness seep into our thoughts,
Always “letting go” of what no longer serves us.
Getting up every day and meditating for 40 minutes, at least.
Getting up every day and walking for an hour.
Getting up every day to do yoga.
Getting up every day to write.
Unrealistic expectations?
My mind is full of them.
They haunt me.
How human of me.
Alas,
sweeping actions and goals tend to throw our illustrious nervous system
into reactions of denial and dismissal,
refusal and complete shutdown.
There are no massive changes that this human body-mind-spirit
can sustain.
We can’t go and keep going from 0-60 mph and beyond.
We can’t stop on a dime and stay stopped or reverse.
We can’t do it all at once.
(My Dad used to say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”)
We need to sweetly and lovingly introduce each teeny tiny different way
to our nervous system so that it can embrace our new idea a little at a time
and then it will be more likely to keep on keepin’ on with it.
We need to weave into our day, our body-mind-spirit, our life,
the threads of selfcare that communicate to ourself
how very worthy we are to receive the loving tenderness that we
are offering ourself in the smallest, most minuscule ways—
word selection, tone of voice, body awareness, choice of action or inaction…
Even while we are resisting and denying,
the practice of these teeny tiny ways can demonstrate to the body-mind-spirit
that we ARE worthy,
we ARE capable,
we ARE able to integrate these teeny tiny thoughts and actions
into our daily life
without disrupting our day,
without adding to our to-do list,
without putting our nervous system on high alert
so that it is able to set up the blockades before we even begin.
At the same time
that our nervous system might be preparing to slam all the doors and windows
on this new thing we want to try,
these teeny tiny ways affirm and support the nervous system’s work
so that the nervous system’s defense systems are soothed enough to
let the one word or teeny tiny action in just for today.
This itty-bitty word is just for today.
This one action is just for today.
This one idea is just for today.
When we practice these teeny tiny ways,
our brain resists less and listens more and more readily to these changes
we want to introduce into our life so that we CAN
move out of Arghhhh more easily, more readily, and with more success
into AHHHHH.
So that we CAN experience more energy,
more joy,
more calm,
more ease—physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
With one shift,
the next shift is a teeny tiny bit easier.
And then, the next, easier still.
And the next,
and the next.
When we are gentle with how we invite the shift,
we lessen the brain’s reluctance.
It feels less threatened.
It feels SAFER.
“Just for today.”
My yoga Teacher and Mentor Judith Lasater used to invite us
with these words to a slightly different positioning of a foot in a pose we’d done differently for years.
“Just for today, let’s try it this way and see how you feel.”
I like to practice curiosity.
I like to encourage curiosity among my students and clients.
What happens when…?
What do I notice when…?
How do I feel in this body when…?
Our nervous system defaults to “NO.”
It MUST… to protect us.
Our nervous system tells us over and over,
“You just can’t, Nemo.”
Because, even if we are uncomfortable where we are,
even if we WANT to change, want to do something differently,
be someone different,
sudden and/or repeated large change—for our nervous system—
is death, is trouble, is not desirable and is not negotiable.
Even when we see something we love love love,
and want want want to do or be or have or see or live or write or sing or….
the nervous system says, “nope.”
I have been writing my life for years,
reflecting, reporting and anticipating.
I’ve had friends and students tell me that what I write
is so helpful to them,
so inspiring,
so beautiful.
And yet,
and yet,
when I wanted to self-publish my first book,
my nervous system took over big time.
It captured and held my pointer finger hostage, hovering over the “publish” button,
for months before I gulped, held my nose, and jumped in.
And I didn’t die.
Over the course of my life,
I have taken steps, big and small,
despite my nervous system’s voice of caution, we’ll call it caution to be kind and loving.
I have done many things “anyway.”
But doing big things was great for a one-time event.
I began to notice that these changes didn’t last.
I eventually, sometimes sooner rather than later,
returned to my usual ways.
It’s true that each time that I did it anyway,
I was teaching my nervous system that it was ok to stretch in that way.
Each time I did it anyway,
I was soothing my nervous system’s anxiety about living outside of the lines
drawn by someone else.
Each time I ventured into my own ways,
my own ideas,
my own words,
my won’t thoughts,
my own desires…
my nervous system took in a little more information about how
we could operate in this scary world together.
But it was when I began to focus on the teeny tiny ways
that I felt more consistently confident,
more regularly ease-filled,
better able to shift mid-upset to a calmer place.
It was the teeny tiny ways that led me to feel capable of shifting
from arghhh to ahhhh so that I didn’t slide down the chutes of despair
for the rest of the day.
Each teeny tiny way interrupted the usual and customary ways
with such loving energy and intention
that the nervous system was less reluctant to fight,
better able to try it on for size without outright dismissing this new thing.
And so we have danced—my nervous system and I—
with our teeny tiny steps
in the directions that I (this body-mind-spirit) want to go,
sometimes falling down from the pushme-pullyou of it all,
usually getting through relatively unscathed,
but recognizing even in the most challenging moments
that we can do this,
together,
slowly.
The teeny tiny ways have been massively successful in my work
of shifting my day from arghhh to ahhh.
So successful
that now, even the major steps I’ve taken have felt a teeny tiny bit less overwhelmingly dangerous,
have felt a teeny tiny bit less overwhelming,
a teeny tiny bit more possible
a teeny tiny bit better, easier, dare I say, more comfortable?!
You’ll notice that these teeny tiny ways include body, mind, and spirit.
In Ayurveda (the ancient approach to health and well-being) and in modern medicine and science in increasing amounts,
the body, mind, and spirit are seen as inseparable.
What we do for (or to) the body,
we do for (or to) the mind and spirit.
And vice versa.
So, start where you are most comfortable—
words or actions, physical sensation or thought work.
Start with what’s easier for you.
Here are a few of my teeny tiny ways to shift my day from arghh to ahhh.
May you find among them at least ONE that speaks to you.
May you choose the EASIEST for you to begin
because with great ease in this quest for ahhhh
comes great ease, energy, and joy.
Teeny Tiny Way I:
When you’re driving, notice the death grip that you have on the steering wheel.
Your eyes are open (you’re driving or at a red light or parked).
The awareness comes from bringing your attention to your body.
Bring your awareness/your attention to your hands.
As you become aware of your hands,
notice how they soften.
As your hands soften,
notice how your wrists,
your elbows, your shoulders,
your neck,
your jaw
feel soften and less tight and tense.
You can rest your head against the head rest (funny name, isn’t it? though we rarely use it)
and invite and welcome the softness and ease that comes from just becoming aware of your hands while you drive or park or wait your turn at a stoplight.
Teeny Tiny Way II:
As you list the things on today’s to-do list,
replace one “I have to” with “I get to…”
This shift in language from obligation (“I have to”) to privilege and/or joy (“I get to”),
gives your experience a whole new perspective. Feel the change in your body when you say, “I get to…”
I used this quite often when I was caring for my elderly mother. “I have to take Mom to the doctor” became a pleasure when I began saying, “I get to take Mom to the doctor today.” I felt less burden, more ease, more joy. As a result, I felt less stress and tension, and with less tension comes more energy.
With a change in this ONE WORD, the Reticular Activating System of your brain (the RAS) starts looking for ways that this
item is a joy, is a privilege instead of a duty, an obligation.
And when you’re ready, shift another “have to” to “get to” and feel what happens in your body.
Teeny Tiny Way III:
“I have all the time in the world.”
I think of everything I’ve shared,
this one gets the most resistance and gets laughed at more than any other.
But it’s been huge for me.
One day, with a to-do list two feet long, single-spaced,
I stood up, gathered my golden retriever Hera into the car,
and drove to the nearby woods for a walk.
On the way, with the list hanging over my head,
I felt these words itching to be spoken out loud,
so I spoke them.
Three times.
“I have all the time in the world.”
“I have all the time in the world.”
“I have all the time in the world.”
My breath
deepened and slowed.
Hera’s and my walk was lovely and peaceful
and I felt like I’d allowed myself to go on a retreat in the middle of my day.
When we got home an hour later,
I went back to my to-do list
with the line ringing in my head,
“I have all the time in the world.”
One by one,
I addressed and completed the items on my list-
phone calls,
articles,
projects,
a meeting (This was before Zoom so there was travel time involved!).
And HAD ROOM FOR MORE!
Something happens in the brain when we tell it,
“I have all the time in the world.”
The brain believes it. It tilts towards the room your words have created.
And communicates to the rest of the body-mind-spirit
via the vagus nerve, the psoas, the amygdala…
that everything is safe and fine and good.
The nervous system then creates a greater sense of spaciousness for us.
We feel more space and therefore, we have more space.
And we glide through our to-do list.
It may sound impossible.
It feels like a miracle.
I encourage you to look at your day and choose one thing that you could do with either a one-word shift or a physical awareness or a phrase that defies common experience.
Apply these to your day in the easiest way possible.
Rinse and repeat.
And then make up your own as you go.
Pause for a breath in and a breath out
at any time in your day and you’ll feel the pause melt into your muscles,
fascia, being.
I have a ton more of these teeny tiny ways because they make such a difference to my day.
They help me shift my experience of any moment from arghhhh to ahhhh.
I start by acknowledging the arghhh so that I can apply a teeny tiny way and
end up in ahhhhh.
What happens for you?
What do you come up with in your day?
I can’t wait to hear.
Blessings,
Paula.
