Your Right To Rest: Reclaiming Ease in a Culture That Worships Exhaustion
The Deeply Ingrained Belief: “I Have to Deserve This”
Women have been deeply conditioned to put everyone else first and to default to doing — at the expense of our body-mind-spirit, our health, our well-being, our soul.
We may be exhausted. We may be suffering, craving 5 minutes of sitting down… and we still come up with a list of “I’ll just do this one more thing, and then I’ll rest.”
Years of writing from-the-body, coaching, and yoga practices have helped me move from “I should do X before I rest” to actually scheduling time (in ink) to rest.
But even after decades of studying and teaching the nervous system, my default is still:
“I really should finish this before I sit down, before I lie down, before I pick up the kids, before I make dinner…”
Essentially, we ask ourselves, “Have I done enough today?”
And the answer, sadly, is a resounding: “Not yet.”
Rest Is Never a First Option — Even When We’re Depleted
Will we ever have done enough?
The truth is: our work is never finished. Rest is rarely considered a priority, even when our bodies are pleading for it.
The story is deep within us — filled with volumes of inherited rules — telling us that rest must be earned.
But here’s the truth we’re rarely told:
Rest helps us rebel against that story. Rest helps us rewrite that story.
What This Article Offers
In this piece, I explore:
How our culture negates the essential nature of rest
How we’ve learned to deny it — and ourselves
And how we can shift this narrative within ourselves, one moment at a time
You’ll find tiny, meaningful ways to incorporate rest into your life — without adding to your to-do list.
Because when we commit to rest, we’re making a profound statement:
We are worthy, just as we are.
We do not have to earn the right to feel ease.
Rest is not a luxury. It is a birthright.
What Is Rest, Really?
More Than Sleep
I was raised to believe that rest only meant sleeping. But studying and teaching restorative yoga opened my eyes: rest can happen outside of sleep — it can be a deliberate, intentional practice.
Restorative yoga, for example, is about lying or sitting in supportive positions, completely still. No effort. No productivity. Just rest.
At night, our body and unconscious process everything we encountered — food, emotions, screens, tasks. Even sleep is busy. So yes, sleep matters. But rest is more than that.
Defining Rest For Ourselves
Once, I asked my adult sons, “What does rest mean to you?” Their answers woke me up:
“Walking.”
“Reading fiction and losing myself in the story.”
“Cooking for my friends.”
“Sitting in the grass, petting the dog.”
Their responses reminded me that rest isn’t just about stillness — it’s about ease.
Rest is whatever helps us breathe, soften, reconnect. It’s different for each of us.
The Missing Ingredient: Ease
Most of us are not familiar with ease. We ignore our tension. We push through it.
But ease is not indulgent — it’s intelligence. Ease isn’t something that follows accomplishment. It’s something that fuelsit.
My longer restorative practices taught me what deep ease feels like. Over time, those long moments of stillness made it easier to access small moments of softness in daily life.
The two — the micro and the deep — reinforce each other.
And what do we gain from that?
Greater energy.
Greater joy.
Greater presence.
The Hidden Root of Exhaustion
We’ve been taught that comfort, joy, ease, and rest must be earned.
We watched the women who raised us sacrifice relentlessly. We inherited the belief that ease is for after — after everyone else is okay, after the house is clean, after everything is done.
We’ve absorbed the idea that choosing ease makes us lazy. That rest is weakness.
But it’s not.
It’s wisdom.
The Guilt That Keeps Us From Resting
So many women carry a quiet, aching guilt when they even think about resting. We’ve been taught — often without words — that our value lies in our usefulness. That caring for ourselves means we’re neglecting someone else.
So when we sit, lie down, or pause without producing something, a voice inside whispers:
You’re falling behind. You should be doing more.
This guilt isn’t personal failure — it’s cultural conditioning.
It’s a system that rewards depletion and calls it dedication. But guilt is not proof of wrongdoing. It’s proof that we are healing something deeper — that we are beginning to believe we matter, even when we’re still.
The Reframe: What If Rest Isn’t Selfish, But Sacred?
Science and history agree: rest is not optional. It’s essential to our physical and mental health, our relationships, our creativity — everything.
What if we lived by these words from Thich Nhat Hanh?
“We are here to take care of each other; to do so, we must first take care of ourself.”
What if that meant:
Taking a slow, deep breath before a task
Drinking a full glass of water with presence — no multitasking
Giving ourselves the grace to rest without guilt
Fighting Sleep vs. Inviting Rest
Several years ago, I struggled with waking up in the middle of the night — anxiety-riddled and exhausted. I couldn’t fall back asleep. And the more I tried, the more panicked I became.
Then I remembered something I’d once told my son:
“Let sleep come. Let’s just lie here and wait.”
So I tried that. I adjusted my body into a comfortable position — a pillow under my knees or between them. I practiced compassion: “I’ll do the best I can tomorrow.”
This changed everything.
I may not have fallen asleep right away, but I rested.
And that rest softened my body, calmed my mind, and gave me back to myself.
Three Teeny Tiny Practices to Invite Rest
These aren’t about adding tasks. These are invitations to find ease in what you're already doing, and NOT adding to your to-do list.
1. Hands on the Wheel (or the Mug)
Notice your hands on the steering wheel. Or holding your coffee.
Let them soften. FEEL them softening. Notice where else your body follows.
Let that softness ripple.
2. Watching Water Fill the Glass
While filling a glass of water, just watch it.
Let your awareness stay on the flow. When your mind wanders, gently come back.
Celebrate that awareness. Practice self-compassion.
3. Pause at the Mailbox
When you walk to get the mail, stop.
Look at the sky. The trees. The air. Let the world come into you for one small moment.
Receive the beauty. Let it settle.
The Bigger Picture: You Don’t Need Permission — But Here It Is Anyway
Some of these may sound like mindfulness. And they are.
But more than that — they’re reminders that rest doesn’t need to be grand or formal.
It just needs to be yours.
You don’t need to earn rest.
You don’t need to prove anything.
You are worthy now.
Try one of these practices today — and see how it feels.
Let rest come. Let ease grow.
You are worth the work.
Blessings,
Paula
