The Double Oven Dilemma: A Menopause Epiphany at the Appliance Store
I wept yesterday.
A moment of truth settled in my heart as I climbed the ladder to get out of the pool. It hit so hard and so suddenly that I nearly ran to the showers to not draw attention to my tearfulness.
Now why? You might well ask — since you've repeatedly read my words that my tears tell me that I am standing (or swimming) in a battle that jumped into my body's awareness.
So…here's the story.
Shopping for a New Gas Range Cracked Something Open
Our oven has been dying a slow and very annoying death for over a year. Finally, it reached the point of broken-ness that led us to shop for a new gas range.
As I touched each of the possibilities, opening the oven doors, dreaming of holiday and other-event gatherings where I could — with ease — bake and cook at the same time, preparing loving and lovely meals and treats for those I love…
I remembered and I dreamed.
I quickly struck induction from the possibilities because the prep work to make our kitchen induction-ready was not possible in our immediate necessity.
And electric? Yeah, no. Not for me.
Single or Double Oven? The Question That Turned Into a Mirror
The question became — single or double oven?
When I asked the question without an agenda, "today" smacked me in the face and turned my face to see who and where I am in this moment.
I was unprepared for the insights and earth-shattering acknowledgments that threatened to roll right over me.
We all know that — for me — everything is a metaphor. Everything represents something in my heart and life. And we all know that tears, my tears, mean I've stumbled upon a truth.
Where I've Been: Peri-Menopause, Menopause, and the Making of a Crone
This double-oven dilemma spoke in spades to where I remembered being, loving being and then to where I am right here right now — a menopausal woman.
(In my mind, peri-menopause, menopause, and post-menopause are all part of the sacred spectrum of our life transition that, when we choose to receive it, grants us the grace and the power to become the wise woman, the keeper and teller of our stories and our family's stories, to become the crone of our community. Crone, by the way, used to be a term of respect for elderly women, acknowledging our wisdom and intuition. She is the last of the trilogy of the goddesses — Maiden, Warrior, Crone. But I digress in the best way!)
Here's what I uncovered:
What the Double Oven Really Represented
The double oven represents for me, the me I had been for many years while my sons were growing up — the Mom who welcomed participating and playing in the kitchen; the Mom who loved having my sons' friends (at all ages) for pizza, for snacks, for endless sword fights that evolved into dizzying arrays of video games. The double oven was for the hostess with the mostest, welcoming neighbors, family, friends for celebrations of all kinds. It was for she who loved to cook and bake, to create love into its finest forms — food.
The double oven was for the Teacher and Retreat Guide who always baked for her students and participants — from French to ESL to yoga to… I even carried the family chocolate chip cookies to France and Arizona and Wisconsin for retreats.
The Realities of Today: An Empty Nest and a Smaller Table
But today, I'm recognizing a few realities and potential realities.
This woman's children now live across the country, a 25-hour non-stop drive. Entertaining is for far fewer folks at a time and is frequently ordered in. Family gatherings have grown smaller and smaller. While loving to cook, portions are smaller and baking, while therapeutic, doesn't require a double oven for ease of preparation.
A Reckoning and an Epiphany: Choosing the Single Oven
A reckoning and an epiphany: double oven versus single oven.
Though I don't yet know what it all means, the choice of the single-oven gas range signals my coming-to-terms with releasing old roles from their prominence, from their defining my life. It means embracing what awaits me when I jump off Apollinaire's edge and soar to my next self.
Reinventing Yourself: Letting Go of the Roles That No Longer Fit
My long-time beloved friend once said of me to me, "I've never known anyone who re-invented herself as frequently as you do."
While her admiration feels good, the truth is we all have the opportunities all along the way of life to sift through the roles we've played, remember with great fondness the ones we relished, recognize and acknowledge that the ones we loved and the ones we hated helped get us to where we are today, embrace what's to come, and let them all go and dive deep into the soul that's always been beneath these roles.
Finding Peace on the Other Side of the Decision
Today, the decision and purchase made, I savor my morning cappuccino, awaiting visitors from my far-flung sons and daughter-in-law this week and next.
Peace settles on my head, into my heart and onto my shoulders. My stomach unties its knots. My throat clears.
Why Roles Don't Define Us
Roles do not make us who we are. They reflect what's beneath the surface and how we play them lets bubble up what's there and what's been there forever. When we allow them, they guide us to living in better alignment with who we really are.
Roles do not define us. All roles — the ones that delight us as well as the ones we happily discard — are meant to be released when their moment has passed and flown…
So that we — in our next Self in our next Act — may soar.
blessings,
paula.
About Paula
